First of all, be a friend. Understand that your friend is still your friend. Having cancer is just one of the many challenges and things that we may have to face in life. A cancer diagnosis doesn’t mean your friend must stop living now.

Things will be different, and time and energy will be limited. Here are some tips:

 •  Be creative.

•  Continue to call, visit or reach out to your friend as you normally would. 

 •  Just call before you drop by, and don’t take it personally if they aren’t up to the visit. The fact that they are not up for it now doesn’t mean they wouldn’t enjoy the conversation or visit on another day. 

 •  Continue to treat your friend as your friend. If it becomes too much, you’ll know. 

 •  Please, please, please, don’t force your negative reaction to cancer and the situation onto your friend.

Deal with your grief and reaction on your own time. When you are with your friend, enjoy your friend and the time you’ve got with them. You’d be surprised how many people are uncomfortable with being anywhere near someone with a cancer diagnosis and just ghost their friends. It checks them and makes them consider their impending mortality and fears, or it can remind them of others they may have lost to cancer. 

Try to deal with your issues on your own. If it is too much for you to see your friend with cancer, send an encouraging text or card every so often while you deal with your issues because the truth is, it’s not all about you.

Check with the caregiver about your friend's current food preferences and tolerances, and take a meal or snacks over to avoid burdening the caregiver. Be sure to consider any children they might have when you order or make the meal. This will give the caregiver a break.

If they have you over but don’t feel like talking, just sit there. Your presence is a form of support in itself. Know that your friend may still be able to hear you if they appear asleep or have altered consciousness. Be sure to always speak with encouragement.

 If you are familiar with the 5 love languages, don’t just speak/act in your love language. You know your friend. If their love language is quality time, don’t just go to do acts of service. Spend time with them so they, too, can appreciate you. 

Don’t get me wrong; it’s okay to do acts of service like cleaning the house/straightening up, relieving the caregiver, mowing the lawn, carting the kids to their various practices, or picking them up from school. Yes, do those things, but make sure you’re meeting your friend’s needs emotionally in a way that they can receive.

The majority of cancer patients become cancer survivors. After treatment, your friend may not have the energy they once had as they gradually recuperate. Be there during their recovery time as well. Please continue to support, help out as needed, and even encourage them to get active again. 

Offer to drive them to the gym or the park. Surprise them with an Instacart delivery. Yes, the best way to support a friend with cancer and after cancer treatment is to be a friend. 

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Dr. Hellena is a health coach for survivors and the founder of Totally Empowered Health and Wellness, where we empower you to take control of your recovery instead of allowing your recovery to control you. If you’d like to know more about our programs for you or your friend, click the link below.